Learning
by My name's AC
Summary: When you can't run you walk; when you can't walk you crawl; and when you can't crawl you find someone to carry you. Kate Beckett had come to the moment in life when she realized that when she couldn't crawl, she needed to be carried out.


**Just one-shot idea that came up to my head... I need to thank Emily (bonescastlerock) for being my beta reader. She did an amazing work and she enjoyed the fanfiction. Hope you have the same feeling.**

**Obviously I don't won anything else than this plot. By the way, I'm very happy to write this story. This is my 14th for the show, but as I thought I was writing too much for Castle, I decided to stop for a while. When I mean I while I mean that I don't write Castle fanfiction since July 2010! I was dying...!**

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><p><em>When you can't run you walk; when you can't walk you crawl; and when you can't crawl you find someone to carry you. Kate Beckett had come to the moment in life when she realized that when she couldn't crawl, she needed to be carried out.<em>

Her shrink had given her a hard task: ask Castle to describe their partnership. But how could she do that? She couldn't just simply go him and ask; she wasn't strong enough for that; but that was her task. She had made the commitment to fight against her fears and if she wanted to make progress she had to leave her fears behind. She had told her therapist she was ready. That day, after the case was finished she was packing her things to leave so she sat calmly in her chair and waited for him come take his seat next to her. Beckett didn't know how to do it. She was trying to calm herself down when he got up to leave.

"Castle, wait…" She whispered. The man took a few steps back and faced her, waiting. "My therapist gave me a task."

"Okay…" He said slowly, sitting back down. "Can I help with something?"

"He told me to ask you how…" Castle's eyes were wide, eager for the question. "How you would you describe our partnership."

"Oh." He said somewhat relieved, but then took on a serious and sincere posture. "Have you ever heard the story of the footprints in the sand?"

"No." She said almost silently. Her eyes looked around the empty department; it seemed cozy, only a few lights were on and it seemed much better than the harsh winter outside. New York was being (dis)graced by the snow and Kate attempted a smile when she looked outside.

Castle pulled her chair closer to his, despite her bit worried look. She hated not having control of the situation and that was exactly what he seemed to do to her, and even though she may seem concerned, she let the river take its course; she let him take her because she trusts him blindly. "There was a woman…" He started, gently taking her hand, and while she looked at his hand, he never broke eye contact. He then wrapped her hand in his securely and after a few seconds of consideration, he continued his narrative. "Smart and loyal, though fearless, with a thirst for justice. A workaholic." Castle's lips drew a small smile and she smiled too. "She laughed at my jokes; but felt like she needed to be the only person carrying the world on their shoulders. Sometimes she became proud and thought it disrespectful when people tried to help her. Well, she used to be proud… and she may not admit it, but she's a hopeless romantic who's still waiting for the chance to live her great love story. She's beautiful, extraordinary, I should say." At this moment Castle lowered his eyes, avoiding hers. He preferred to just keep looking at her hand, caressing it, than to chance facing her. "Well, she was walking on the beach, all alone, she always thought she was be better that way. Better alone. She had put everyone outside of a line she drew. She had lost her life building a wall and closing herself inside it, watching her footprints, thinking she had changed too much when in fact she hadn't changed. One day someone joined her. He promised to be there for her, through good or bad." He raised his eyes and stared into hers before speaking again. "Always. There were good days and bad days. One day she was looking back at the footprints behind them and asked him: _If you promised to be around whenever I needed you, how come in the times I was struggling the most only my footprints were in the sand?_ He answered her: _Those footprints aren't yours. When you make a promise to yourself, _He told her,_ you have to keep it, no matter what, and I kept mine. Those times you thought you were alone; I was there with you… It was through those hard times that I carried you._"Both of them sighed deeply and Castle dropped her hand as slowly as he had picked it up. "Was that the answer you were looking for? Was that what your therapist wanted?"

"I don't know." Beckett's voice came out muffled and shaken.

Castle played with his hands, looking at his feet, waiting for her to speak, but she didn't. "See you tomorrow." He said to her, getting up to leave again.

"See you tomorrow, Castle." She mumbled and followed him with her eyes until the elevator doors closed.

Beckett got up from her chair and sat at his. She had never seen the precinct from that angle and she saw it in a whole new light; she saw what had always been behind her. She saw the precinct from Castle's point of view and she looked at her own chair. She smiled; there wasn't anything else she could do. It felt different seeing things from that different point of view. When focused and smiling she remembered Castle sitting right there, watching her doing paperwork. She noticed something was missing next to the keyboard; a cup of coffee. He always brought her coffee, like he could predict when she needed it. She leaned back on the chair, crossing her arms across her chest and closed her eyes.

Why were the simple things he said to her foremost in her mind? She never forgot anything he ever said about her. She remembered every moment so vividly like she was living it all over again.

"_Most people come up against the wall, they give up… Not you…You don't give up…You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary." _

It had been hard hearing this after what he had told her. He had touched her mother's case after she told him that if he did, they were over. She didn't see him for three months and she was angry with him. He showed up and simply said:

"_I'm sorry. What I did was wrong…I violated your trust, I opened old wounds and I did not respect your wishes…and if we're not gonna see each other again you deserve to know that I am very, very sorry." _

But what he said had been enough for her. He apologized and that had counted and helped close the wound again. That sincere apology was worth much more than anything else he could have said or done.

An apology requires the person recognizes his mistake and then walk up to the hurt person and admit that what he did was wrong. Castle had been brave enough to stand in front of her and say it.

"_You know why I chose you for my inspiration for Nikki Heat?"_

"_No, why?"_

"_Because you're tall…Now go in there and do your job."_

When he told her this, it made her realize that all he said about her being his inspiration for Nikki Heat was true. A tall person isn't the one that stands in 4 inches heels; it's the one that can do her job above any personal issues. A tall person is a person who has an inner height, is a person who everyone notices.

"_I will do anything that you need, including nothing if that what you want."_

That was the moment when she realized how loyal he could be, even how sincere. He had told her, basically, that he would stick with her, no matter what, and that he would do anything for her. They'd do anything for each other, everything within, and beyond, their power and their strength. Anything…in a heartbeat. Their connection cannot be defined by words; it's felt, honestly and strongly.

Who was she kidding? Castle knew her as well as she knew herself. Like no one else who had passed through her life did. He noticed every expression that shows up on her face, and she knows she can catch what's going on with him too, just by looking at his face. Castle cracked her initial shell; he peeled the layers until he got to her core and found the wall that had been blocking her heart. Blocking the only fragile thing about her; that which she fights so hard to protect. She didn't want to get hurt (again), but worse, she didn't want to push people away and hurt them instead; it was a protective instinct.

Now, with only a few bricks left, she didn't mind breaking down and crying. She knows he'll carry her. She knows she can count on him and her friends. Because they'll always be there, just like she is there for them. Everyone has their problems and they stick with each other like the real family they are. They know each other's weaknesses and strengths, and they know exactly what to do; when to act and when to step back.

Kate's worst moment in life, before having this family to support her, was her mother's death. She fell down after it and she couldn't deny that thoughts of suicide had clouded up her mind. When she was nineteen, and until she was twenty-four, she had a shattered family, or what was left of it. She didn't have a mother and she'd had to help her father sober up. But she had never given up on him or her life. She needed to build that family again, make it stronger than ever and she realized that her path in life involved solving her mother's murder case, so giving up on life gained less importance as the days went by.

Now as she thinks of what would have happened if she wasn't in the world right now she realizes; her father would be shattered, even worse after losing not only his wife and but his daughter also, and besides, Kate had lived all those years…she wouldn't want to lose it. She was hurt, she suffered, but just like everyone else, she had fun too; she laughed and she felt great for waking up every morning and facing another day, no matter how rough it would be. She realized that every day is a gift; not a given right.

Yet, the wound wasn't healed, just sealed over. The most painful thing Castle had ever done to her was open her mother's case, but that was what brought them together. After those days, their partnership and friendship has never been the same. Even though the closeness had begun when she told him about her family, they had an instant spark between them, right from the first day. There was a click. But when he told her that what he did had been a mistake and said he was leaving, that shook her up.

"_I overstepped…I came down to say that I'm sorry and then I'm through. I can't shadow you anymore, if it wasn't for me-"_

"If it wasn't for you I would have never found my mom's killer." She whispered, remembering those words as she caressed the chair's armrest with the tips of her fingers. "And I'll like you around when I do…I've got used to you pulling my pigtails… I have a hard job Castle, and having you around makes it a little more fun."

"_Your secret's safe with me."_

She opened her eyes and looked around. His whispered voice seemed so real, so close to her, but she was all alone. Everything he had ever said to her, everything that she had just thought and remembered was fresh in her mind. She looked around and took a look at the outside world again and smiled. She got up and grabbed her long, warm red trench coat and put it on, accompanied by the scarf around her neck and the gloves on her hands. She had an idea to prove him that they were both on the same page, no matter what page it was.

Early the next morning Beckett awoke as usual and drove to the precinct. She knew Castle would be coming soon, so she walked to the break room and brewed two cups of coffee. Back at her desk she grabbed a small piece of paper, wrote something on it, folded it in half and left it under his cup. Then she took a seat in her chair, crossing her legs and taking small sips of her coffee. He entered the precinct, shaking with the freezing temperature and greeted both Ryan and Esposito with a handshake before taking a seat next to a busy Beckett, stuck with paperwork, probably for most of day.

"Hey," He said weakly while rubbing his hands against each other. "Morning."

"Morning, Castle."

"Next thing I'm buying for the precinct: heating system! Join me for a-" He sat and noticed the cup, interrupting his own speech. He grabbed the scalding cup and moaned.

"Just made it a bit ago." She mumbled, having a shiver due to the cold.

"I can feel that! Thanks for the coffee." Beckett didn't answer anything and peeked out of the corner of her eye as he took a sip of the coffee. Castle noticed the note, but didn't pick up, instead he just asked. "What can I do?"

"Wow, you're offering to do paperwork!" Beckett got up and went to grab some files to put Castle to work and enjoy it while he was offering.

After she disappeared of his sight, Castle grabbed the small paper and read:

_I owe you now only ninety-nine coffees,_

_It'll be a long way 'til I settle my debt_

_Bu I'll do it, takes what it takes_

_Your partner_

His lips formed a smile and he was startled when she sat and put the files in front of him. "Here you go," She said, "Do your share." He quickly slipped the note inside his jacket pocket and grabbed a pen to start working.

During all day, he didn't say anything about it, didn't make a comment, or even say he had seen it. Beckett started to doubt what he really thought of the small note, but she knew him well enough to believe that he would get the joke; and he did. After all the paper work was done, he offered to get a coffee for her and when he put it on her desk, he put a note under the cup too. While he was putting on his jacket and talking with Esposito and Ryan, Beckett read it:

_Your debt has been settled_

_I look forward to sharing more coffees with you,_

_Now there's no counting, but let's be fair, I've brought you WAY MORE than a hundred coffees,_

_Your lifetime wouldn't be enough to cover the debt!_

_Your plucky sidekick_

She grinned brightly; only he could joke with her like that. "Thanks, Castle."

"Always, so, see you tomorrow?" He asked her.

"Yeah. Until tomorrow, Castle."

"Until tomorrow."

Castle walked happily to the elevator, whistling a Christmas song while she just laughed at him, putting on her jacket too. "Wait, hold the elevator." He leaned on the side of the door, stopping it from closing and waited for her.

Without fear or embarrassment, they smiled at each other until she grumbled. "_My lifetime wouldn't be enough to settle the debt_?"

"Totally!" He gloated. "I've definitely brought you way more than a hundred coffees!"

"Yeah, right! Don't victimize yourself. I've brought you coffee too!"

"Not as much as I did to you."

"You've been counting?"

"No…" He subtly denied. "But everyone knows that a man always takes the first step in a relationship-"

"Relationship?" She posed in a suggestive tone of voice.

"That didn't come out as I expected. What I meant was that I'm the man, I should…be…" His words started to run low. "We're at the lobby already." They looked out the doors seeing the empty lobby. Luckily there was no one there to see their bickering. They left the precinct and the snow started to fall again, leaving little white spots over them. Both shook with the cold and stood staring at the Christmas decorations on the street.

"I really had to forget my scarf with this weather, didn't I?" Beckett unconsciously commented. She had parked her car away from the precinct because of the increased chaos created by the holyday season and she would have to walk, in the cold.

"Don't bother in returning it." He whispered, taking the scarf from his neck and putting it around hers.

Kate gazed at him and felt her cheeks warming up. "So, see you tomorrow then." She said, blushing.

"Yeah…If not earlier."

Beckett walked away from Castle, but turned back and said to him. "Don't say that, you'll jinx it. I want a full nights sleep in the warmth of my bed." They both walked away, smiling. Something was telling her that the meeting with her therapist that night was going to be productive…and long.

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><p><strong>Quotes are from the episodes 1x10, 2x01 and 2x13.<strong>

**Good, bad, cute...? What did you think? Let me know, pretty please! Besides, every author likes a review!**


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